ASMA BINT ABU BAKR
WOMEN 1
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ASK MUSLIMA
NOTE: This Women Section is managed by "Ask Muslima."  Its primarily
concern is Women Matter, though it is NOT off-limit to men. If you have
concerns, comments or wish to contribute your talents, skills, ideas or
suggestions, please contact Ask Muslima@muslimvitalrecords.com
Men  [ar-rijalu] are
protectors and
maintainers of
Women [an-nisa]
.... 4:34
Asma bint Abu Bakr was the daughter of  Khalifa Abu Bakr, sister of Ayisha, mother of the faithful, and wife of
Az-Zubair al awwam, [RA], one of the Ten promised paradise, first cousin to the Messenger of Allah [P]... Read Her
Story
                         ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
No woman in the Muslim community should have to fear being hungry, assaulted
terrorized, beaten like an animal, maltreated, homeless, especially when she is trying to do
what is right and live the Muslim life and anyone who would deliberately cause such a
woman to feel this way or have such fear, especially a Muslim woman,  at that time, is a
coward, brute, bully, poorly educated in Islam, have mental issues, misunderstand Islam
and Prophet Muhammad [P] is poor excuse for a man, Muslim or believer, is not fit to be
married to a good Muslima and is not the best amongst Muslims, and any community
which allows or sanctions or close it eyes to such conduct is a coward community and not
the best Muslim Community. Such a person or persons need help or to be helped  MVR
Staff.
"Divorced women shall wait concerning themselves for three monthly periods.* Nor is it lawful for
them to hide what Allah Hath created in their wombs, if they have faith in Allah and the Last Day.
And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for
reconciliation ........" 2:228
* [the waiting period after the declaration and until Divorce is final!]
MEN
                                                   Rights of the Wife Over the Husband
Dowry (Mahr)
This right of the wife has been discussed in some detail. Allah said in the Qur'an:
{Wa aatoo an-nisaa'a saduqaatihinna nihlatan. Fa in tibna lakum 'an shai'in minhu nafsan fa kuloohu hanee'an
maree'an.}
{And give women their dowries as a gift. Then, if they are pleased to give some of it to you, consume it with good
health and enjoyment.} An-Nisaa:4
 The payment of the dowry to the wife is an obligation and a debt upon the husband until he pays it and there is no
escaping it unless the wife freely and willingly gives up her right to it. In the past, and in many cases today, the father
tries to take the mahr away from his daughter. In the jahiliya, this was justified by saying that the father was merely
recouping all the expenses he put forth for his daughter who is now a member of another family and benefits them.
Nowadays, it occurs often in this country that the husband tries to take back the dowry (if it is even paid in the first
place) or make use of it in forms of spending which were obligatory upon HIM in the first place. This is a lowly
practice and is completely forbidden unless she explicitly allows it without any coercion or pressure. Otherwise, it is
HER property and she may dispose of it (or not) as she alone sees fit.
Support (Nafaqah)
Allah says:
{...Wa 'alaa al-mauloodi lahu rizquhunna wa kiswatuhunna bi al-ma'roofi laa tukallafu nafsun illa wus'ahaa...}
{...And upon the father is the mother's sustenance and her clothing according to what is reasonable. No person shall
have a burden on him greater than he can bear...} Al-Baqara:233
 Her support is one of the most important rights of the wife over her husband. Ibn Katheer commented that the above
verse implies that he must provide for her without extravagance nor the opposite, according to his ability and the
standards set by his society at his time. When the Prophet (sas) was asked by a man, "What is the right of our wives
upon us?", he (sas) answered:
"An yut'imahaa idha ta'ima wa an yaksoohaa idhaa iktasaa wa laa yadhribi al-wajhi wa laa yuqabbih wa laa yahjur
illa fiy al-baiti."
"That he should feed her whenever he eats and cloth her whenever he clothes himself, that he not hit her face, that he
not call her ugly and that he not boycott her except within the house." Ibn Majah
 A woman is even allowed to take from her husband's property without his knowledge if he falls below this basic level
of supporting her. In a hadith recorded in Muslim and Bukhari, the Prophet (sas) told Hind bint Utbah, after she
complained that her husband, Abu Sufyan, was stingy and was not maintaining her and she asked if she could take
from his property without his knowledge:
"Khudhiy maa yakfeeka wa waladaki bi al-ma'roofi"
"Take was is sufficient for you and your child according to what is customary." Muslim & Bukhari
 Support of one's wife is one of the most important obligations of the husband. It is one of the distinguishing aspects
of "husbandhood". Allah said in the Qur'an:
{Ar-rijaalu qawwaamoona 'alaa an-nisaa'i bimaa fadh-dhala Allahu ba'dhahum 'alaa ba'dhin wa bimaa anfaqoo min
amwaalihim...}
{Men are in charge of women because of what Allah has given to some more than others and because they support
them from their property.} An-Nisaa:34
 If a husband does not support his wife, she has no obligation to fulfill her obligations to him. If a woman goes to a
judge and shows that her husband will not support her, the judge may immediately separate them according to
numerous scholars.
The verse makes clear that the man being "in charge" goes back to the two causes mentioned. This means two things:
1) both men and women need to be aware of this right and this obligation and that the woman is under no obligation
to stay in the marriage if she is not supported - regardless of his wealth and hers and
2) Muslim society must be organized in such a way that Muslim men are able to get the means to support a wife.
This second point is critical. If society reaches a state where women are more able to earn a living than men, this will
undermine the "in charge" status of many men in their households. It wil in fact undermine the Islamic household
altogether. This is what is happening in virtually every Muslim land today with U.N. and other organizations giving
primary attention to helping women to be economically viable and independent even when a large percentage of the
men still cannot find the means to support a family. (It is the same destruction they inflicted on families in the U.S. in
the 50's 60's with the welfare system.) The corrupting influence this will have on society as a whole cannot even begin
to be described.
Women are absolutely ALLOWED in Islam to pursue business ventures (the Prophet's first wife Khadija was a major
business woman in Makka), employment and other means of earning money. They are, in fact, needed in various
sectors such as women doctors and women teachers. However, facilitating the ability of men to earn a living and
support a family is the FIRST priority in an Islamic society. All economic planning and social/economic programs
must be in line with this principal.
Kind and Proper Treatment
Allah says:
{...Wa 'aashiroohunna bi al-ma'roofi fa in karihtumoohunna ta 'asaa an takrahoo shai'an wa yaj'ala Allahu feehi
khairan katheeran.}
{...And consort with your wives in a goodly manner for, if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something
which Allah makes a source of abundant good.} An-Nisaa:19
Commenting on this verse, Ibn Katheer wrote:
"That is, have kind speech for them, deal with them with kind deeds and in a beautiful manner to the best of your
ability. In the way that you love that from them, behave in that way towards them. As Allah has said, "They have
rights similar to those upon them according to what is right" (Al-Baqarah:228). The Messenger of Allah (sas) said: "The
best of you is the best of you to his wives and I am the best of you to my wife." It was from his behavior that he would
treat them in a beautiful fashion, with a smiling face. He would sport with his wives, be gentle with them and spend
generously upon them. He would laugh with his wives and he even raced Aisha... Every night, he would gather his
wives together in the house of the one with whom he (sas) was going to spend the night and eat dinner with them on
occasion... After he prayed the night prayer, he would enter his house and talk to his wife a little bit before sleeping,
making them comforted thereby. And Allah has said: {You have in the Messenger of Allah the best example.}"
 Part of the problem is Muslims buying into the fantasy world being propagated in television, movies and other
media. The hadith about the rib makes it clear that it is rare to find a "perfect wife" and in the same manner, no
woman should expect to find the "perfect husband". If one is living in some fantasy world, they are apt to be greatly
disappointed with real life.
Physical Relations
In Sahih Ibn Hibban, the following was narrated:
"The wife of 'Uthman ibn Madh'oon complained to the Messenger of Allah (sas) that her husband had no need for
women. During the days he would fast and at night he would pray. The Prophet (sas) asked him: "Am I not the best
example for you to follow?" He answered: "Certainly, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you." The Prophet
(sas) then told him: "As for you, you pray during the night and you fast during the day. Certainly, your wife has a right
upon you and your body has a right upon you so pray and sleep and fast and break your fast."
 There are several similar incidents narrated where Companions of the Prophet (sas) gave similar decisions in similar
situations. In one story which took place in the presence of Umar, the Companion who was judging told the husband
that since Allah had given him the right to four wives and he had only one that he could practice his praying and
fasting three out of four nights, but that at least one in four had to be reserved for his wife.
Not to be Beaten
It is the right of the Muslim wife that she is not to be struck except in the case of nushooz (rebellion against the
husband's authority). Even in that case, the husband is only allowed to "strike" her, but in a way which does no harm,
similar to the proper disciplining of a child. It is never lawful for him to strike her face or cause her any bruise or
injury. Allah says in the Qur'an:
{...Wa allaatiy takhaafoona nushoozahunna fa'idhoohunna wahjuroohunna fiy al-madhaaji'i wadhriboohunna fa in
ata'nakum falaa tabghoo 'alaihinna sabeelan inna Allaha kaana 'aliyyan kabeeran.}
{...And (as for) those (women) from whom you anticipate rebellion, admonish them, avoid them in the sleeping place
and hit them. If they obey you, do not desire and further way to (harm) them. Surely, Allah is Knowing, Great.}
An-Nisaa:34
 It is incomprehensible how so many translators have translated the word "wadhriboohunna" in the above verse as
"beat them" or, even more laughable: "beat them [lightly]". This is wrong, wrong, wrong. It is an abomination which
has caused much misunderstanding and opened the door to the enemies of Islam. The word in Arabic means to
"strike" or "hit". It inludes everything from a tap with a tooth-stick to what in English we call beating. If it is stated that
so-and-so "hit" so-and-so without further description, it would be assumed to be a single blow and it could be of any
magnitude.
 When the Prophet (sas) took a tiny stick and tapped one of the Muslims on the stomach to straighten the ranks in
preparation for war, he "hit" him with this meaning. Contrast this to the English phrase: "beat them". The meaning is
totally different. If you took a shoe lace and hit someone on the hand with it, you could properly say dharabtahu in
Arabic but in English you could never say that you had "beaten" that person. Please get this straight and correct
anyone you hear distorting the meaning of this verse in this way.
The verse mentions admonition, boycotting and hitting in the case of nushooz. This refers to a rebellion against the
husband's authority within the marriage which amounts to a breach of the marriage contract on her part. Ibn Taimia
said about this:
"Nushooz in the verse: {...And (as for) those (women) from whom you anticipate rebellion (nushooz)...} means that she
is recalcritrant to her husband and she is estranged to him inasmuch as she does not obey him when he calls her to
bed, or she leaves the house without his permission and other similar things in which she is required to obey him."
 Many scholars have stated that the three steps must be taken sequentially, i.e, admonition then separation in
sleeping and finally hitting, making hitting a last resort only in extreme situations. Thus the vast majority of whan
men do to their wives in spontaneous fits of rage often over trivial issues is absolutely haraam and not sanctioned by
Islam in any way. An-Nawawi said about his:
"At the first indication of disobedience to marital authority, a wife should be exhorted by her husband without his
immediately breaking off relations with her. When she manifests her disobedience by an act which, although isolated,
leaves no doubt to her intentions, he should repeat his exhortations and confine her to the house but without striking
her... Only when there are repeated acts of disobedience may a husband strike his wife."
As we said, this can NEVER be a "beating". A husband is never allowed to strike his wife in any way which causes
injury or leaves any kind of mark. The Prophet (sas) said:
"Fattaqoo Allaha fiy an-nisaa'i fa innakum akhadhtumoohunna bi amaani Allahi wa istahlaltum furoojahunna bi
kalimati Allahi wa lakum 'alaihinna an laa yooti'na furushakum ahadan takrahoonahu fa in fa'alna dhaalika
fadhriboohunna dharban ghaira mubarrihin wa lahunna 'alaikum rizquhunna wa kiswatuhunna bi al-ma'roofi."
"So beware of Allah regarding women for you have taken them as a trust from Allah and you have made their bodies
lawful with the word of Allah. You have the right over them that they should not allow anyone on your furnishings
who you dislike. If they do that, hit them in a way which causes no injury. And, they have the right over you to
provision and clothing according to custom." Bukhari & Muslim
Privacy
It is actually the right of both spouses that the other not discuss their private moments with anyone else. Note the
following sahih hadith:
"Is there any man among you who goes to his wife, closes the door behind them, covers themselves and conceal
themselves by Allah's concealing?" They said: "Yes." He then said: "Then he sits after that [with others] and says, 'I did
this and that.'" They were silent. He then turned to the women and said: "Do any of you talk about such things?" They,
too, were silent. Then a young girl stood up on her toes so the Prophet (sas) could see her and hear her and she said:
"O Messenger of Allah they [the men] certainly talk about that and they [the women] also talk about it." He (sas) said:
"Do you know what they are like? They are like a female devil who met a male devil in the street and they satisfied
their desires with the people looking on." Abu Daud (sahih)
Justice
 If a man has more than one wife, he is required to do justice between them in terms of physical things (housing,
clothing, food, etc.) and nights spent with each. Allah said:
{Wa lan tastatee'oo an ta'diloo baina an-nisaa'i wa lau harastum. Fa laa tameeloo kulla al-maili fa tadhharuhaa ka
al-mu'allaqati. Wa in tuslihoo wa tattaqoo ta inna Allaha kaana ghafooran raheeman.}
{And you will not be able to effect justice between the women no matter how hard you try. So do not incline [toward
some] completely such that you leave [another] as if suspended. And if you reform and fear Allah, surely Allah is ever
Forgiving, Merciful.} An-Nisaa:129 [Continue]
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